3 Steps to Relaxing While Lying in Bed: Stop Stressing About Love

Attachment and healthAttachmentBody awareness

Feb 1

Maybe you’ve spent sleepless nights wondering whether you’ll ever find the one, or just someone who makes your heart beat a little faster and with whom you can share your deepest secrets and desires, your goals and dreams and passions and meltdowns. I get it, I’ve been there. I used to have a lot of sleepless nights, and hypnosis was one of the most helpful remedies I ever found. I have a sleep meditation designed to help with that, and here are some additional tips to get you through those wee hours with firmer skin under your eyes.

Things are better than they seem

Whenever we’re feeling anxious and have stress chemicals in our bodies, things can seem a lot worse than they are, and once we feel more calm and relaxed, the world looks a little rosier. I have a bunch of anxiety busting techniques I teach my clients. Here is one I learned from Melissa Tiers:

Find a focal point.
Keeping your eyes on that point of focus, become aware of the space around it, above it to the ceiling, below it to the floor. Expand your peripheral vision so you’re aware of the walls on either side and almost to the very edge of your peripheral vision, as if you could reach the space behind you.
Then bring that original point back into focus.

This expands your awareness and is just very relaxing.

Here’s another one that involves progressive muscle relaxation and is used in the military to help people sleep:

Relax your entire face, including all the muscles in and around your mouth. Drop your shoulders, letting go of any tension. Take a nice deep breath in and exhale, relaxing your chest. Then relax your legs, your arms, your feet, and your hands.
Finally, imagine a relaxing scene.

2. Remember that you are loved

A lot of the work I do involves helping people feel less anxious and more secure in their relationships. Even if you’re one of those rare people who says, “I’ve never felt love in my life” — I don’t meet these folks very often but they’re out there — there was probably someone somewhere who was consistently there for you. One way to feel more secure is to put yourself into the space of when you have felt secure in the past. The anxious/ambivalent attachment system craves a feeling of consistent reliability. So imagine a person or people who have been consistent and supportive in some way. You can imagine they are there with you, and you can relax into feeling their supportive presence.

I did this once when I was camping off the grid and had an anxious moment at night. It worked extremely well.

3. Remember that you are safe

If you’re lying in bed, I assume that you’re physically safe. Sometimes people feel anxious because they don’t feel safe emotionally. If this is the case, imagine a safe comfortable place — for some people it’s in nature, for others it’s their own special sanctuary. If you already have energetic protectors or people in your life who you feel really safe around, you can bring them into the scene too, and feel that safety on a somatic/body level. Let me know if you need help with this process because it’s something I help clients with regularly.

Bonus step 4!

4. Learn self hypnosis

If you’ve tried the progressive relaxation technique and listened to my audio, you’re already well on your way. Self hypnosis is simply a way of getting yourself into a relaxed state from which you can make change — and in this case, that change would be profound relaxation that leads to sleep. I teach my clients self hypnosis to help them make positive change in their lives.

Need help with any of these? Learn more about Attachment Coaching.

Happy slumbers,

Kayli

Featured

Misattunements and Anxious Attachment: Turning Emotional Misses into Connection

Have you ever felt like you’re doing everything you can to connect with your partner, but it’s just not landing? Maybe you’re looking for reassurance, and they respond with, “You’re overthinking it,” or you’re hoping for closeness, but they seem to pull away.

Somatic Exploration to Transform Anxious Attachment

If you have anxious attachment style and you’re wanting tools to help you shift toward secure, using a somatic or body-based approach is very helpful.
For a lot of people with anxious attachment, it’s common to seek reassurance, love, and validation from a partner, which can sometimes make relationships feel uncertain or stressful. These attachment patterns often start early in life and don’t just affect how we feel emotionally—they also show up in our bodies.
When I was certified as a dynamic attachment practitioner, I learned just how important body awareness is for shifting toward secure attachment, and it was a big part of my own journey toward finding secure love.

Avoidant Attachment Style? How to Communicate What’s Important to You

How to communicate your needs in relationship — how expressing feelings and needs in a positive compassionate way helps relationships grow and flourish.
How avoidant attachment style developed to make recognizing and sharing feelings and needs feel uncomfortable
Ways to get more comfortable talking about your feelings and being open in relationships

Are They the One? When to Commit — for the Anxious Attachment Style

For someone with an anxious attachment style, knowing when to commit can be tricky. Let’s talk about how you can tell if the timing might be right.

Self-Esteem & Attachment Style

Have you ever wondered why you struggle with self esteem, especially in relationships? It might have something to do with your attachment style.

Absorbing Others’ Emotions - Balance for Anxious Attachment Style

People with anxious attachment often feel deeply connected to others' emotions and may have a hard time distinguishing between their own feelings and those they absorb from others. This heightened sensitivity can make setting and maintaining emotional boundaries even more challenging, yet it’s so valuable when you want your relationship to be more secure!